He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
