you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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