I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's blow job season.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
