the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
