i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
