I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
