I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
