I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
