My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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