I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
