Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We are two peas in an std pod
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
