She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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