i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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