Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Randomize
