sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
