I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
