we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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