if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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