Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
