You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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