My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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