I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
