my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
