i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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