i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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