I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
