My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
