i may or may not be watching the land before time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
