he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
