She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
