you will always have a special place in my vag
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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