WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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