I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
