I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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