make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
