I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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