and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
