Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
