He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
