you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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