dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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