Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
