Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
