Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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