pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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