Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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