I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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