Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
