Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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