I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
